You Ask, Orange Cat Answers

26 Oct

A few interesting letters showed up in the mailbox. They weren’t as awesome as I hoped, but I am sure my awesome answers will amp up their awesomeness.

Here we go:

Dear Orange Malcolm,

An advice column? What a great idea. I am sure that someone of your orange magnitude will be able to shed light on so many subjects.  You are wise beyond your years.  Well thanks! See you later.

Signed,

Malcolm Um..Anonymous

Dear Um..Anonymous.

Thanks for the kind words, sir. I don’t know you, but you sound like you too might be orange. Congratulations.  I know that some people (like my human) are skeptical that someone of my young age could be so wise, but brother, believe it. Keep on believin’.

Your pal,

Malcolm.

And another….

Hello, Malker-doodle.

My name is Al. Really. I am a petite cute black beauty. I am almost 13 and find myself in perfect health. One small problem. I live with two other cats, both considerable younger than me. Up until a year ago, I was able to rule that home with an iron paw. No Cat dare cross my path or else they would get swift paw to the top of the head.  Then, last November, everything changed. I had to have a dental and have a bunch of teeth removed. I had to have pain meds and antibiotics.  The Orange slug that I live with saw this as a sign of weakness and pounced on it to take control. Now he regularly pounces on me! What can I do to get things back in the correct order here? A swift paw no longer works!

Al


Dear whiny Al,

Look Girly, It’s common knowledge that orange cats are just natural rulers. Now, I know I don’t know you, but it seems to me that you probably lead a pretty cushy life. You probably eat Fancy feast multiple times a day while others are shut up in bedrooms to eat. Think about that???  You probably get a place cleaned off the side of the couch for you so you can stretch out however you want. While some of us are constantly hearing “Malcolm, get down!” “Malcolm leave her alone”.  You have it pretty cushy babe, don’t forget that!

Your leader,

Malcolm

Well folks that is all the time I have today.  Remember, I am here for you. Any advice you need. Problems you need solved .Turn to me. Just fill out that little comment box over there on the side, and I will do my best to answer it in a timely manner. Well after I eat and sleep a bit.

Alright, stay true to yourselves dudes and remember…. ORANGE POWER!!

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2 Responses to “You Ask, Orange Cat Answers”

  1. Dexter October 26, 2010 at 11:19 pm #

    My name is Dexter…..When my human cleans my litter box i tend to go to the batroom at the same time….he seems to get really angry while i’m doing my thing….should i hold off and go eat or continue with my discharge?

    • Susan October 26, 2010 at 11:42 pm #

      Great Question Dexter! I am working on my next column and will address it then. Stay tuned!

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