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Things I’ve Learned about Life

8 Jan

Sometimes you don’t get all the space you need…

IMG_0020Sometimes there is light in the darkness..


Sometimes you don’t get the coverage that you need…


Sometimes when you are down and out, a little pink can make all the difference…


But if you have a little spot to call your own….


That’s all you need to feel like you are King (or Queen) of the World


Life’s Good, Bitches!!




8 Jan

My god, man! It’s been a year, exactly since I got all bloggy and stuff! A year! What kind of treatment

is that? I can’t imagine the pain that you, my dear readers, have endured in that time!

Never again my friends. Never again!malkie

Tough Guy

8 Jan


Yeah, you can call me a tough guy. I won’t argue. When I see an injustice, or maybe just something that bugs me, I am going to stand up for what I believe in.

…And if that means beating up a girl cat laying in the doorway of a room I want to go into… well then…

So be it!

‘Cause Baby I was Born this Way….


Look at her holding out her paws. Trying to keep me from entering. Well…. That’s not going to happen, I can guarantee you that!


BONK! Right to the head missy! Whoo.. look at that blow!


Our eyes are locked… we are watching each other’s very moves. There will be no retreat!

There will be no truce! I will enter that room!


Another blow landed her head! I showed her!  Now get up and fight like the feral cat I know you are, you little missy!



This time I have her a right. Boom, right on the paws!


After this, the human said “Enough” and then laughed at me! She said “Malcolm she must not have been too scared of you, if she continued to lay there like nothing of any importance was happening”




Girls suck! Feline and Human!

It’s a photo spread!

11 Sep

Noted Catographer Nigel The Barker came over and we did another photo shoot. I was hot!

Dudes! What else did you expect!














The human thinks I have a shoe fetish, but I really just appreciate a good pair of work out shoes. Here are some fine NB 883s:




And today… the new Saucony ProGrid 9s – Great padding!

Here’s a great pic! It’s me trying to figure out how the hell anything can fit into the carrier! WTH:

Hey, Fans that’s all for now but keep checking back. We now have more computers than humans here, so obviously I will be able to get

on line all the time now!

Stay Awesome everyone! You know I will!

Coming soon….

22 Apr

That’s right….

You haven’t heard the last of me….

Keep an eye out on this space….

I might be getting all bloggy again….

But first….

I got some snoozing to do…..


Disturbed. Exhilarated. Confused.

27 Jan

It’s been so long since the human has let me blog, and I have oh so much to talk about. So this will be a long one! Certainly longer than Ally-bob’s tail… ha ha ha ha ha!

Part One: Disturbed

The human seems to be having some sort of mental disturbance. She keeps calling me Cathy! Cathy! What the H—?? I don’t get it.

It goes like this: It’s time to eat and she grabs my bowl to fill it up. I start talking to her. “Hey Human! Way to go! Get that bowl filled up! Get it going! What’s taking so long? Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!”

And she looks at me and says “All right Cathy, let’s go!”

Now when it happens, I am so hungry, I can’t think straight. It doesn’t dawn on me that she is saying “Cathy”. However as the urgency of my starvation wears down, it dawns on me. Cathy? Who the hell is Cathy?

Then, once I regain full use of my senses, it dawns on me. She is referring to this:

Here’s a close up of the horror:

And guess what? This Chatty Cathy hasn’t been able to talk for 44 years so I think calling me Cathy after her is an insult.. in more ways than one!


Part Two: Exhilarated

I did it! I did it! After years of trying! I did it!!!!!! I finally figured out the correct formula for the Protective Cat Hair Barrier! I have saved us from the Red Devil of Dirt! He is no more! Well, once the Human carries him out to the dumpster he will be no more. I killed him! I killed him dead! First he wouldn’t turn off – like he was possessed (hello.. it’s the devil!) and then the Human unplugged the plug of evil. He stopped. After about 20 minutes she plugged his evilness back in and he wouldn’t come on. She messed with his pedal thingy-ma-bobber and it wouldn’t move up or down! He was Dead! Dead! Ding Dong the Red Devil is Dead!

I did it! I won! Whoooooooo Hooooooo!

Part Three: Confused

Last Saturday, the Human informed me that she was going to get Kenny! Kenny was moving in. I didn’t know who he was, but apparently he is named Ken Moore. I don’t know why he is coming with a name at all, let alone a first and last name.

I didn’t come with a name when I moved in. However, if his name is Ken he must be a boy! A brother! For me! I hope he is orange! He better be orange!

I waited all day. So excited to finally get another male into this household. He probably will like to wrestle! He probably will like to run around! It will be so cool.

Hurry up and get old Kenny and bring him home! Ally-bob and Teva won’t know what hit them. I couldn’t wait! I couldn’t wait!

Then the Human came home. With a carrier! It was a little different than the carrier she takes me to the vet in, and I was a bit concerned as to how poor Kenny could breath.. but there he was! Kenny! My brother!

However, I am now troubled about this adoption. I am not sure but I think Mr. Kenny Moore might be more closely related to The Red Devil than the Orange Tabby. There’s been no wrestling. There’s been no running around. It’s been a very disappointing week. Very confusing.

Here’s Kenny:


It’s been disturbing.

It’s been exhilarating.

It’s been confusing.

It’s life with a Human, after all.

Whooo weeeeee Visitors!

10 Dec

Yep, some other humans came to the house tonight and hung out. Mr Tony and Miss Missy! It was great hanging with you both but I felt bad that Miss Missy was crying when she left. Crying at the thought of having to leave me and go home.  Poor thing!  (Human note: She wasn’t crying. Her eyes were watering!)

Anyway, Noted Cat Photographer Nigel the Barker came to take a photo shoot of the visit!

Missy got stuck petting Teva instead of being able to focus on me. I felt bad for her:

Here I am with Mr. Tony! I am trying to teach him how to play. He doesn’t get it:

I wonder how his own cats can take it. You can’t just hold the stick at a 90 degree angle, buddy! Move it around!

Anyway, Ally had been trying to eat before the visitors came so she went and sulked while they were there!

Let’s look at her a little closer….

Back to me.. Still giving my lessons on Human play.

When I got done with all I could do to help this male human, I went to rest under the tree. (Hey do you see the orb in picture with me! Haunted!)

Well the male Human visitor didn’t seem to want to let me rest. So I turned on the magic:

I used my awesome power to get them to leave! I do know that both Mr. Tony and Miss Missy will be so sad about having to go home to their own cats (Hey Eris- Orange Power dude!) and I wanted to get this post up as soon as possible so they could relive the memories.