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It’s a photo spread!

11 Sep

Noted Catographer Nigel The Barker came over and we did another photo shoot. I was hot!

Dudes! What else did you expect!














The human thinks I have a shoe fetish, but I really just appreciate a good pair of work out shoes. Here are some fine NB 883s:




And today… the new Saucony ProGrid 9s – Great padding!

Here’s a great pic! It’s me trying to figure out how the hell anything can fit into the carrier! WTH:

Hey, Fans that’s all for now but keep checking back. We now have more computers than humans here, so obviously I will be able to get

on line all the time now!

Stay Awesome everyone! You know I will!


Coming soon….

22 Apr

That’s right….

You haven’t heard the last of me….

Keep an eye out on this space….

I might be getting all bloggy again….

But first….

I got some snoozing to do…..


Disturbed. Exhilarated. Confused.

27 Jan

It’s been so long since the human has let me blog, and I have oh so much to talk about. So this will be a long one! Certainly longer than Ally-bob’s tail… ha ha ha ha ha!

Part One: Disturbed

The human seems to be having some sort of mental disturbance. She keeps calling me Cathy! Cathy! What the H—?? I don’t get it.

It goes like this: It’s time to eat and she grabs my bowl to fill it up. I start talking to her. “Hey Human! Way to go! Get that bowl filled up! Get it going! What’s taking so long? Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!”

And she looks at me and says “All right Cathy, let’s go!”

Now when it happens, I am so hungry, I can’t think straight. It doesn’t dawn on me that she is saying “Cathy”. However as the urgency of my starvation wears down, it dawns on me. Cathy? Who the hell is Cathy?

Then, once I regain full use of my senses, it dawns on me. She is referring to this:

Here’s a close up of the horror:

And guess what? This Chatty Cathy hasn’t been able to talk for 44 years so I think calling me Cathy after her is an insult.. in more ways than one!


Part Two: Exhilarated

I did it! I did it! After years of trying! I did it!!!!!! I finally figured out the correct formula for the Protective Cat Hair Barrier! I have saved us from the Red Devil of Dirt! He is no more! Well, once the Human carries him out to the dumpster he will be no more. I killed him! I killed him dead! First he wouldn’t turn off – like he was possessed (hello.. it’s the devil!) and then the Human unplugged the plug of evil. He stopped. After about 20 minutes she plugged his evilness back in and he wouldn’t come on. She messed with his pedal thingy-ma-bobber and it wouldn’t move up or down! He was Dead! Dead! Ding Dong the Red Devil is Dead!

I did it! I won! Whoooooooo Hooooooo!

Part Three: Confused

Last Saturday, the Human informed me that she was going to get Kenny! Kenny was moving in. I didn’t know who he was, but apparently he is named Ken Moore. I don’t know why he is coming with a name at all, let alone a first and last name.

I didn’t come with a name when I moved in. However, if his name is Ken he must be a boy! A brother! For me! I hope he is orange! He better be orange!

I waited all day. So excited to finally get another male into this household. He probably will like to wrestle! He probably will like to run around! It will be so cool.

Hurry up and get old Kenny and bring him home! Ally-bob and Teva won’t know what hit them. I couldn’t wait! I couldn’t wait!

Then the Human came home. With a carrier! It was a little different than the carrier she takes me to the vet in, and I was a bit concerned as to how poor Kenny could breath.. but there he was! Kenny! My brother!

However, I am now troubled about this adoption. I am not sure but I think Mr. Kenny Moore might be more closely related to The Red Devil than the Orange Tabby. There’s been no wrestling. There’s been no running around. It’s been a very disappointing week. Very confusing.

Here’s Kenny:


It’s been disturbing.

It’s been exhilarating.

It’s been confusing.

It’s life with a Human, after all.

Happy New One…

2 Jan

Can I go back to sleep now?

Merry Christmas to All!

25 Dec

Hello all Humans, Cats and Kittens! And Dogs too!


How about a look back at Christmas Past….

Whose that Angel? Wait, that ain’t no Angel.. that’s Ally-bob:

Don’t tell her I said so… but she was kind of chubby  back then!  And here too:

Oh boy… Glad she went on a diet!


Here’s some of Zeke-boy!


Look at Ty! Can you see her in this picture:


More of Ally:


After Ty and Zeke were gone, they humans had two youngin’s by the name of Teva and Huckleberry.  Or as Old Grandma called them The Darn Small Cats. So Darn Small Cats meant a Darn Small Tree:

They put a red plastic table cloth under it to hide the table and instead it turned out to be perfect for hiding Teva:

And Teva got to play a bit too:


We couldn’t find any Christmas Pic of  good ol’ Huck but the Human found this picture that she thought would make a pretty Christmas Card:


Notice anyone missing? Someone Orange maybe? Well here are some pictures taken today, but they were taken at a low point in my life:

Look! It’s me and the Christmas Tree:

And Presents! Who are they for????


Hold on! None of these are for me??? What??? Huh??? What??? I don’t believe it!!

It’s a sad sad day to be an Orange Cat. I am trying to find something Awesome about it, but I just don’t know….

I guess there is nothing left for me to do then close my eyes and dream of sugarplums dancing in my head .. whatever those are:



MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL… and to all a good night!


Christmas Decorating Embarrassment!

28 Nov

Dudes! Help!

My human just got back from running errands, and so Ally and I ran into the hall. Once out there.. we were stunned. Frozen in our tracks.  We saw this:

Dudes! That is NOT our door!

THIS is our door:

That’s it! That’s it!

Does the human not understand? Does she not get that this is not the type of decorating that a cat of my stature requires! Bright lights! Constant Jingle Cats playing.  Hey maybe an announcement when ever anyone comes near our door that says “Merry Christmas. You are now nearing the door of that Awesome Orange Cat Malcolm. Peace to you!” But no!

Then she thinks she is making up for that sad sack door decoration by hanging this on the inside:

O.M.G! O.M.G!

What is happening here? Really? This is decorating? I am so so so so so so so embarrassed to be living here.

Oh and look at our tree:

Notice anything missing? She actually told another human in an email last night that she might just leave it undecorated this year, because it has lights and the lights are her favorite part.  I am sorry! I can not live like this! I need ornaments to pull off the tree! I need a tree skirt to lay on under the tree!

THIS IS A TRAVESTY!  I can not continue to live here in these conditions!  I need ornaments on the tree and I need them now!

Friends, here is a picture from the good ol’ days, when a human decorated, as a human should. Ah.. how I long for last year.

It’s been, like, forever!

28 Nov

Arg! The Human was off work all week and guess what that meant? She hogged the laptop and I didn’t get to blog. And so much excitement happened. Well not a lot, but I try to put a positive spin on things, you know?

Laundry Day

So let’s see..  I guess we will start with Laundry Day. It was nowhere near as fun as a regular laundry day. The human was on vacation so she expected me to do all the heavy labor. Ugh.

So, like, I was just laying there, taking it easy:

When all the sudden, she dumps all the clothes on the bed! Where I am sleeping!

And she says, “Malcolm get to work!” I wasn’t happy about this situation at all! I had to divide the clothing to proper piles. ME!

So to work I go. Sortin’. I was kind of embarrassed about this situation! Imma cat! Not a sorter! Once it was all sorted, I had to put it in the basket.

Once I was done with that, I was done! I told the human to do the rest of it herself. I don’t have opposable thumbs for a reason, you know! Man! I am getting out of here.

Taking it Easy

So the human was a little busy all week too. Her trainer was making her work out every day except Thanksgiving Day, so she’d go out in the afternoon to lift her weights (better she than me!) and then after that drive the Uncle around now that he was post-neck transplant. Sometimes we didn’t see her all afternoon. That’s okay, as long as she didn’t give us chores.

Sometimes, I did try and keep an eye on things:

When the girls seemed to be sleeping and not causing trouble I would snooze a bit too.. Why not?

(Too cold for you Ally-bob?)

Teva, taking it easy too…

And the best for last:


Not much happened for us, just two cans of Fancy Feast Turkey and Giblets. We ate. And we slept.

A visitor comes

I think you will remember my blog about my cousin Chloe coming to visit me. Well her wee sister came yesterday. Whoo hoo!

It’s Alison!! Look at the joy in her face! That’s what I do for people! Bringing the  joy!

I think she is trying to use me as a weight for bicep curls. Crazy kid!

So she stayed the night and that was great. But then she was gone…

I’m not Fallin’ for that!

The human took Alison home and then went to work out and do some shopping. She brought home cat litter! Cat food.. and two big red bags with white circles on them. I don’t know what’s in them but she threw them on my dining room table her bed. However later, it all became clear! They were full of gifts for me! new bedding!

So she strips the whole bed and all that is left is the mattress and the foamy pad that I like to climb under. She looks at me and says “Whatever you are thinking Malcolm, don’t even think of getting up here”. Well as you all know, I know humans pretty well. I know they do all this “Reverse Psychology”. I am not falling for it! If she is putting new sheets on the bed, she can do it! I am not getting up there and helping smooth things out. Oh no! I did too many chores all ready this week! Remember the laundry!?!? Not falling for it!

However.. someone else isn’t as smart… (the elderly, you know!)

Since I can’t let her get all the glory for helping out…

The new sheets were cool, and look a new blanket!

Comfy. Probably cozy too!

I got rid of Ally-bob when it was time to help with the new comforter…

Here I am helping it get spread out on the bed. It’s kind of slick, so that’s pretty cool, but it cause me to accidentally slide around a bit..

No I don’t want to alarm anyone, but it didn’t take me long to see something was wrong…

There was something long, orange and furry on the bed too!

I almost caught it and then it disappeared!

I have to rest now.  Making a bed and then chasing this long orange furry thing was tiring. Turn off the light, human and let me snooze!

And I have one parting thought for you. Remember, one human’s bed, is another cat’s dinner table.

It’s like getting a new table cloth!